Frank Off The Radio: The Frank Skinner Podcast

00:07 We haven't talked about Jamie. Did you see he had a bit of an embarrassment this week? 00:11 Oh, he's opening an Italian restaurant in Hong Kong. Yeah, he's launching a restaurant in Hong Kong. Terrible idea. 00:18 Do you think they call him number one super guy? 00:21 He decided... Do you know what people decide to do when they go to a foreign country? 00:27 They try their hand at the lingo. 00:28 Smash the stadium, what do you mean? 00:31 Oh, sorry. 00:32 They try their hand at the lingo. 00:33 I had a flashback of the football who were going to do that you aren't. 00:38 But it's all right to try a bit of German, or something like that, because we can all grasp that. 00:42 Ich bin ein Gelüner. 00:43 Das ist verboten. 00:46 But... Ach du lieber Gott, mein Bein ist gebrocken. Pardon? 00:50 Mein Gott. 00:51 Oh, my God, my leg is broken. 00:54 Oh. Oh, I love that Kaiser Chief song. Yeah. But he attempted Cantonese. I think... Now, she's a tricky mistress. 01:02 Points for attempting Cantonese. Yeah. 01:04 I would say, yeah. Yeah. That's a difficult one, Cantonese. 01:07 Well, do you get points, though, if you're trying to sell your restaurant? 01:10 Well, that's true. 01:12 Oh, yeah. This is like he's thinking, I'll do anything. I'll speak Cantonese if he comes to shop. 01:16 Do you know what it is? I'll bet he's oversimplified that rule. You know when you go for a Chinese and some people lean in and go, oh, this must be a good Chinese restaurant. Look, there's lots of Chinese people eat here. I'll bet he's thinking, if I open an Italian in Cantonese, 01:32 Hong Kong people will go this must be a good Italian look there's loads of Chinese people he's made a mistake he's made a terrible mistake yeah he's got it oh god he's got cuisine blindness he tried to speak Cantonese and he said he'd be opening an amazing Italian submarine he said 01:51 I liked that, though. 01:52 Did you? 01:53 Yeah, I think, what if he does? We shouldn't rule out that he might open an Italian submarine. 01:58 That's his only chance, there, is a novelty Italian restaurant. 02:01 I'll tell you what, it might not be a submarine, it'll soon go under. Hey? 02:05 That's my prediction on the Italian... 02:09 I mean, we don't know that he's not a keen screwdriver. What about those chickens that are sort of wide open? You know those chickens that look like an open... Spatchcocks. Oh, yeah. They're in the windows, but they're opened up. It's like they've got the thumbs in the ribcage. I've always thought they'd make a lovely novelty mirror frame. 02:29 Have like a mirror in the middle. 02:30 I'll bear that in mind for your birthday. Thank you very much. 02:33 Or a book cover. 02:35 Do you want it basted? 02:35 I do. Oh, yeah. I think if it's going to be a book cover, you're going to have to scotch guard it. 02:41 Yeah. 02:42 If it's going to last. But you could have, depending on the different book, you could have a different creature encasing it. 02:56 Talking about Jamie Oliver and this restaurant he's starting in Hong Kong, but he's attempted the lingo, and I think no good will come of it. 03:04 He said, well, first of all, we established that he said he was going to open an amazing Italian submarine. Now he said the restaurant would be very slippery. 03:13 Well, it might be. Yeah. 03:15 It could. There's a lot of oil involved in Italian food. Yeah, that's true. They spread oil. That's true. There could be a bit of balsamic in there. Sounds like the floor's going to be lovely. 03:26 You see that? Is it MSG that they put in Chinese food? 03:30 Yeah. 03:30 You see, the good thing about it, it's got a matte finish. You can have that on the floor and you still have plenty of grip. But your olive oil, it's an accident waiting to happen. 03:41 He tried to say Causeway Bay and he said bronze bed. 03:45 I like the sound of a bronze bed, though. You know I like a hard surface, Frank. 03:49 I know. Well, again, he's going to have a bronze bed in his Italian submarine, isn't he? Yeah. He's having it. Oh, you're imagining sort of bending off some broomsticks kind of underwater world. He's got a bit of money. If he wants an Italian submarine. 04:01 He has got a bit of money. 04:02 Like Cribs. 04:04 I agree. With a bronze bed in it. I agree, though, that he's got a lot of money. So why is he opening an Italian restaurant in Hong Kong? What keeps people going? 04:13 I'll get a nice holiday in Hong Kong. 04:15 But, you know, I sort of carry on working because I really like, you know, I like doing the jokes, me. 04:25 But will he ever go? 04:26 And the impressions. Don't rule out the impressions. That's what I mean. I'm always evolving. That's different. 04:31 A whole new career for you. 04:33 Anyway, but where is the joy in opening an Italian restaurant? If he's got the money, he's got all the restaurants. The idea of a restaurant... He's got the submarine. The reason, yeah, the reason you want a restaurant is so you can hang around in there in the evenings and say, all right, Dave, er... Dave! 04:50 Dave! 04:51 Dave! Dave, he's there in Hong Kong. You know, but you sit down... All right, Dave. Go over to the table and say, everything all right with your meals? Did you see, er... Did you see, er... Fleming this week? 05:04 Yeah, I was a bit disappointed in the last episode. You know, that kind of thing. You think that's how he's run his restaurants in the UK? 05:12 Are you confusing having a restaurant empire with being a regional publican? No. 05:16 He might have said, you know, have you seen Fleming? That was poker. I know it's a bit different with him. He's a bit of a character. But it's about hanging out and feeling, what's the benefit? No. 05:31 Just a bit of extra money. I don't know how much money people need. 05:40 So, we were talking about Jamie Oliver Frank. 05:43 Yeah. 05:43 And I don't think... It's not that you're not a fan, but you're not a fan of... 05:48 I like him. 05:49 His empire building. 05:50 I just don't know... 05:52 I don't understand why. What pleasure does he get from, you know, oh, pretty good takings, Jamie, at the Italian in Hong Kong last night. 06:01 Oh, Pukka, fantastic. 06:04 I think he says more than Pukka now. No, I know. 06:06 Do people think like that? 06:08 Anyway, you know, God bless him. I think he's a nice man. 06:12 Yeah. I was in Korea once, and I'll tell you this story, and I was trying to order in a Korean restaurant. 06:19 Okay. 06:19 And they... 06:21 It's not like a lot of... There's no English, nothing. There's nothing on... There's no letters you can identify. No one in the restaurant spoke English. I had to mime the whole order. 06:31 So, first of all, I just wanted a drink of water. 06:34 So I started... LAUGHTER And I started miming rain. Rain. You know when you hold your hands up, turned? 06:45 So I did that. And the waitress. I could tell the waitress really wanted to help, but she was just looking at me. So then I did a drawer. She brought me a napkin and a pen. 07:00 And I drew, I thought it was a very good tap... I mean, really quite a good one, like a proper cartoon tap with water coming out the bottom. And she went, ah! And went away and came back with an enormous, like, a litre of beer. 07:17 And I said, no, no, no, no, no. And I got the... 07:21 I pretended I was washing then, you know, for water. And she went, ah! And she went away and she came back with a wet napkin. LAUGHTER so that I could wash my face with it. And I squeezed the water from the napkin into the palm of my hand and licked it. 07:39 And then she came back with a glass of water. I was so pleased with myself. And then she patted her stomach to my meeting and I went... 07:52 And she just bought me a whole chicken. 07:56 So I had a chicken and water, that was what I had for my meal. A whole chicken and a glass of water. Honestly, it was like being a fox. 08:19 A pithy one to start. Dear Frank M and Alan, given that the creeks are rising, do I need to be worried about my future Saturday morning entertainment? Yours with a warm embrace, John. 08:29 That's a very... If you're not familiar with the show, we always end by... I think it's from the Grand Ole Opry or something of that nature. If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise. But it's never occurred to me that the Esther Creeks have been rising quite a lot. They have. 08:46 Yes. Don't you just love our readers at this spot? I do. Clever. When there's... You know, most people are out on the street going... 08:55 Is that what most people do? 09:01 That's what most people do. I'm not in Britain with their time. 09:04 Yeah, another one of Frank's impressions there this morning. It is, though, isn't it? Oh, my goodness. 09:07 You must have lay in bed and heard... And thought... Where is your new house? 09:14 I'm never getting out of this bed. 09:16 Are they the same people that say Frankie Legend? 09:18 What about... Well, I don't know who they are. They're just... When they sing... Rather than trying to sing their very best and sound melodic, they go... 09:32 I saw that Paul Daniels... Did you see it? Paul Daniels I saw on Sky News with the lovely Debbie McGee. 09:39 Oh, did they do everything together? And she had... 09:45 She had a Mac on, on here. 09:48 Oh. Quite a big Mac. 09:50 A big Mac? Yeah, I think... Was it belted? 09:55 I think it was belted, yeah. I think that was just to cover the saw marks. 10:02 Years have been sown in half. Yeah. It must chaff eventually. It must, yeah. I mean, even if you're really good at it, eventually you're going to get it wrong and you're going to catch a bit of skin in the teeth. 10:12 Can I ask you a sensitive question about Paul Daniels? 10:16 Go on. 10:16 Um, with the hair area, he's just open and exposed about it, isn't he? Yes, yes. There's no hats in play? No, no. Okay, good. 10:23 I mean, I imagine if he's got any hats, it's got livestock in them. Yeah. That's how he works. That's where the hair's gone. They showed you photos of his lovely home by the side of the Thames. And the water was like three feet up the inside of the house. 10:39 Made me think... 10:41 Well, maybe his magical powers aren't quite what he's built them up to be. Yeah, David Blaine wouldn't have stood for that, would he? He would have just... 10:49 I totally agree with you on this fact. It's like Paul McKenna. Well, why can't you give yourself hair? Yeah, exactly. It's true, if you can do anything... 10:56 They claim magical powers, but when tested... Bald and single, what's going on? Whereas Dynamo, I reckon, he'd have dried the whole thing out in seconds. Yeah, yeah. I've seen Dynamo. He's good. He is good. 11:08 Oh, yeah. Oh, he's the best. We like Dynamo in the Cockrell household. Yeah. Yeah, I like him. 11:15 We're going to continue with the email corner. 11:17 And he's, um... He downplays himself, you know what I mean? He doesn't wear the top hats. That's all I like about him. 11:24 He's just like some ordinary... Low-key. One can imagine him in the street. Whoa! 11:30 And then suddenly, you go over and say, I kicked the noise down. You think, oh, God, he's coming at me. He's took a coin from behind your ear. 11:36 I don't want to downplay his humility, but he has called himself Dynamo. I mean, he's not that bashful about his skill. 11:45 That would point towards a high self-esteem. I imagine that's because he likes Kiev. All right, yeah, yeah, he's a big fan. No, I imagine it's been forced on him by people saying, whoa, you're like a dynamo. 12:01 I like the sound of those advisors. 12:02 Well, because they're the sort of people that go, whoa, they can't think of any good magical illusion, so they've had to come up with something that you might have on a 12-speed racer. 12:17 I have another one here. Hi, Frank, Emily and the Cockerel. I am a girl, not yet a woman. Oh, I love that reference. 12:24 I am a girl, not yet a woman. 12:28 Is this one of your impressions or have you burst into song? No, that was a Britney Spears song. 12:34 I saw the film. Did you? I did. 12:38 OK. 12:38 I didn't know there was a film. Yeah, she did a film. 12:41 Called I'm a Girl, Not Yet a Woman. I don't know if it's called that. Is it Crossroads? 12:44 The song's in it. It could be Crossroads. 12:45 Oh, yes, I saw the film, too. We'll talk. 12:48 I haven't seen it. 12:49 OK. 12:50 I'm a Girl, Not Yet a Woman in my late... Is that a screening? In my mid-late 20s. 12:54 Get on DVD or Netflix. What did you say, then? 12:57 In my mid-late 20s. And so, obviously, Emily Dean is my mentor paragon guide in all things. Oh, lovely. Well, me too. 13:06 Oh, lovely. 13:08 mid mid late 20s carry on we're moving on okay i'm determined to use the uh let me see i'm determined to use the phrase filthy creep more often and was delighted when i realized we both share a love of the dishwasher facial oh yes i love the dishwasher facial it's the the quick steaming you give your face you know when you put your i've pointed out once that when you place your head down in the dishwasher yeah just when it's open you've got to time it correctly gives you an instant facial It steams all the pores. It's great. I do it intentionally. 13:38 Yeah, you've got to watch that. Don't you do it? I love it. What about the big knives? 13:42 Don't get in... Can I just say to our readers, don't get in too far because the big knives, when they're up, when they're erect, they're dangerous. 13:51 OK. Don't come round mine, then. 13:53 We share a lovely dishwasher facial and say our mobile number in the same rhythm. Oh, yeah. XXXX. 13:58 No, no, no. XXXX. XXX. XXX. 14:02 Yeah, that's what I was going to do, but less tunefully. 14:05 Does the team have any further tips on how I can become more like Emily and thus increase the number of night moves I've received? 14:13 Well, I've got one. Go on. Yeah, I've got at least one. Oh, oh. I think one thing that you might feel from listening to Emily on the radio is that she has tremendous grace and poise. 14:26 But I've walked with her now. We go for brunch after the show. Yeah. And I would say, on average, she falls over three or four times. I actually... One week, I actually... I was holding her shoulders, walking her up the road, and she was going... I was like an over-eager assistant. 14:47 I had had a bottle of vodka, to be fair. 14:49 She drinks heavily during the last link, that's... No, I did feel like I was working at a faith healing session and I was going, come on, you can walk, you can walk. It was like that. Come on, you'll be fine. 14:58 It was like that. And I don't know what it is. I presume it was the shoes, but they weren't even your mega heels. 15:04 No, I think it's just sometimes you have an issue with rain with these heels. So it wasn't a good, it wasn't one of my finest moments. I like it. I like to think it's a deliberate mistake, Frank, as you always say, in the Persian carpet. 15:16 Oh, yeah. Yes, exactly. Everyone needs a little fault. 15:18 Yeah. 15:19 I would say if you want to be more like Emily, just reply sure without looking at people when someone asks you a question. Would you like a biscuit? Sure. 15:27 It's turned into some sort of comedy roasting. 15:30 Yeah. Sure. 15:32 Comedy roast. Does the team have any further, and thus increase the number of nights moves, sadly lacking in them at the moment, to give you an idea of my taste, a potential suitor doesn't have to have fancy skills like the ability to jump onto people's faces, but I'd prefer he didn't eat onions like apples. 15:49 Oh, yes. 15:50 Now, what we've gone here, we've gone in deep, deep radio references. Yeah. That's Joe Darby. Yeah. The black country man who used to jump on people's faces and off again. His own child. Yeah. And baskets of eggs and water. 16:02 And we've gone Peter the Wild. 16:03 Peter the Wild, who ate an onion, it was an apple. That's brilliant, deep references. 16:08 You know what, Esther, your nights are my nights. You can have some of mine. There's plenty to go around. They're mainly from the Birmingham area, but you can't have everything. 16:16 It's difficult to have. You know when people have types? Yes. People say, oh, they're not my type. I mean, it's a weird... Yeah. I mean, I would have always said my type was a sort of very heavily waxed Billy Idol. 16:31 And then I've ended up with a sort of Jane Russell sort of pneumatic brunette. So it's difficult to have a checklist. I think you just, you know, it happens. 16:40 It's called Frank Skinner's Radio Days. I don't mean days as I'm stupor. I mean days as ever seven for the week. So this is a take, not a blooper. 16:58 We've taken all my radio shorts and done a bit of editing and typing. 17:03 It feels like a backward step, I know, but people finding things quite frightening. 17:11 We were discussing you driving with your fuel light on for a considerable time. We've had a text in from Helen, death too stressful, I can't even drive with the window wipers on extra fast because I breathe the same rate as they are going. 17:29 That is because you're going to wipe a ventilator and slump at the wheel. Maybe that, if only George Michael had had that excuse in his quiver, that could have got him out of a lot of trouble. 17:40 Well, he can keep it up his little sleeves now. Oh, no, he's clean now, though, isn't he? Who doesn't indulge in... 17:47 I don't know. 17:48 Well, I believe so. It was when he woke up with a West Country accent, he had an epiphany. Oh, yeah. Don't you remember? 17:53 That's right. 17:54 He decided enough is enough. Yeah. In an appropriately camp fashion. Simon Monday has tweeted us. He says, I am the master of the twisting ankle curb wobble. Rarely do I manage a stumble-free stroll. I'm Emily. Hashtag Spartacus. LAUGHTER 18:11 I like that. I wonder if Simon favours a kitten heel. Maybe. Yeah. I'm fine. If I go over... I went over on my ankle about three weeks ago. Properly went over on my ankle. What did you have on? 18:25 A David Pleat slip-on? 18:26 I just had a David Pleat slip-on. And I went over and I thought... I really felt that I was on the very verge of breaking my ankle. Just crossing the road. Imagine that. Oh, all right. 18:38 What was the shoe? I suspected more of a brogue. 18:43 You know what? It was a slight brogue, but it was a slip-on brogue. Okay. If you really want to know. 18:49 Clarks. 18:50 Okay. 18:50 Nice. 18:51 There's another text that I'd like to read. 18:54 I'll try not to read out the... Occasionally, we get me Clarks. 18:59 Sorry. Occasionally we get text messages that are abusive. This isn't in that category. 19:04 Do we get those? Well, every now and again. I should tell you all, I don't look at the text in case we get abusive and I become upset and downcast. 19:13 But you pick up on it. I don't feel wounded by this. I just want you to know. But we've had a text from Scouse Ian saying, is it me, Frank, or does that bloke on the radio with you sound like Dennis Norden? Or has he always got a Murray mint in his mouth? LAUGHTER Oh. Do I sound like I've got a Murray Mint in my mouth? 19:31 No, but you do sound like Dennis Northern. 19:33 Do I? 19:33 Yeah. 19:34 And he's from Liverpool. So he says. Well, he's South Ian. I mean, they should stick together, the Northerners. 19:39 Yeah. 19:40 I like you distancing yourself from the regionals. 19:44 Well, you know, I'm very much in no man's land in the middle of the country. So the north-south divide, we are the very cement if there was an Adrian's War. 19:56 Do you know what? 19:57 Sometimes I thank my parents for the London ticket. 20:00 Yeah, you've really won the postcard lottery, didn't you? 20:03 I love Alan's accent. I think it's a smash. I love your accent. 20:10 What's that poem about the ambitious English lecturer who's ashamed of his wife? He says, ashamed of his wife, and then it says something like... 20:22 her bargain casseroles, her love of sad films, her regional vowels. 20:31 Is that today's texting? I like it. What is that poem? If you can identify that. 20:35 Sounds like I wrote it. 20:41 I'd say I don't read out the abusive text, but we've had one that's... Oh, no, don't start reading it. It gives and it taketh away. Frank, you are indeed a funny man, but your taste in music is appalling. I don't think I agree with that. 20:54 Make of that what you will. There'll be people listening to this on absolute 80s and absolute 90s and all that, and they'll think, actually, that's right. It is terrible. LAUGHTER 21:03 I listen to Absolute 80s sometimes. I love it. 21:05 Yeah, my God, my girlfriend. She loves Absolute 80s. 21:09 Oh, so do I. Oh, we'll get together. Greg Rogers... 21:13 Does he? 21:13 ...has tweeted... 21:15 I don't see why she texts us to tell us that. 21:22 Sorry, carry on. 21:24 Greg Rogers, I'll say it again, has tweeted us with a photograph of his petrol tank, and it's right on the gauge. Oh, wow. And he says, nearly on the light, good times. 21:39 I love that, Greg. Life on the hard shoulder. I love Greg. Yes. I do, I'm saying that. 21:50 I love Greg because it's the name I give to the stuffed animal head on my wall. 21:56 It is. Greg? 21:58 Yeah. 21:59 Where is that then? Is that in your study? 22:01 I don't know what it is. Can you believe I've gone ahead on my wall? Is that in your study? 22:06 Yes, it's currently in what I now call the library. 22:11 Or is that that room with three books in it? Yes. Oh. 22:14 And a load of boxes. It's got lots of books, but mainly boxes. The library. Me and Kath always live as if we've moved in the day before, no matter how long we live in a house. 22:23 I rather like it. Makes me feel relaxed and I like it. 22:26 But, yeah, so I've got... A friend of mine was emigrating to America and she couldn't... She has a collection of stuffed animals, but you can't take stuffed animals to America unless you've got the paperwork. Yeah. You've got to prove where they were killed and how. 22:40 Yeah, this is the basis of so many episodes of Nothing to Declare. 22:43 Is it? 22:45 some anyway i um so i took um she gave them all to her friends and i had i had the biggest flat so i got the biggest head but it's got big horns but um i call it greg that's just it's named after the false name i i had when i opened the uh account for a baker's i won't go into why i opened the account years ago okay Can you open accounts with false names? You could in the 80s. Oh, really? 23:16 This is a dark story. I'm starting to pretend gone into it now. 23:19 I'm intrigued. There might still be money in it. Is it a dormant account, this fake one? 23:25 Inland revenue. 23:26 I thought that was a woodpecker. It frightened me to death. I thought there was a woodpecker loose in there. Can you imagine that? It'd need to be 15 times in a second that you hit it like that. Remember we got the text last week or the week before, whatever it was. 23:45 Joe Johnson says, as a Scouser myself, I feel I can't comment on anyone's accent since a French man once asked me if I was speaking Arabic. LAUGHTER Yeah, he had just said that he was going to go up in an Italian submarine. 23:59 That was his thing. 24:02 Hey, we haven't talked about the cheerleader this morning. 24:05 No. Don't bring that up on me. LAUGHTER That was Greg's business, wasn't it? 24:13 No, not that cheerleader. 24:15 Oh. 24:15 The one who's suing her parents. Did you read about that? 24:18 Oh, yes. Yeah, this is from the, uh, you couldn't make it up section of the newspaper, isn't it? 24:23 She's 15 years old. She's, um... Is that all she is, 15? Yeah, I believe so. She says her parents, um, abandoned her. 24:31 Because they're a bit strict, I think. Is that the idea? 24:34 Yeah, yeah. And so she's moved in with this other family, who I, frankly, love the sound of. 24:38 Really? 24:39 The Inglacinos. 24:40 I hate them. 24:41 He's an attorney. That's where you and I differ. See ya. 24:43 An attorney? And, um... Is she going out with the son of the other family? 24:48 She's really going out with him? No. She had another boyfriend that she split up with. And that's the other reason she's suing her parents, because they said she couldn't go out with him. 24:56 OK, well, that sounds like a suitable offence. They haven't got a leg to stand on, the parents. I think he's not seen as... What they're being is parents. Yeah, exactly. That's an outdated idea. I have a certain, you know, maybe... Because her dad was a police chief, maybe he's a bit strict. Squares. Right. Yeah, exactly. They're such squares. She said they forced her to play basketball. Yeah. Yeah. They obviously got the whole basketball netball thing mixed up and they made her play basketball and she says like we're supposed to play netball the girls and the dad realised he'd made a mistake but wasn't prepared to back down on it so they made her play basketball all the time. 25:36 You think that's what's happened? 25:37 Oh it's been playing like men who's like seven foot four knocking her about and stuff. Awful. 25:42 Spiralled out of control and now there's a lawsuit about it. 25:45 Well, they also apparently gave her wine coolers in the back of the limo. That sounds like my idea of heaven. I know, that's the other family. Oh, yeah, the Inglacinos, yeah. 25:54 Yeah, no, the Pairmans gave her a limo, made a split with a boyfriend and made her play basketball. I mean, come on. 26:02 I'm with her all the way. 26:04 I'm not. 26:05 She stood outside the house with pom-poms going, I hate mum and dad, mum and dad, mum and dad, give me an H, give me an A. 26:14 And then it was like that. 26:15 Drunk. 26:16 She's drunk. 26:16 You know the thing that upsets me about this story the most is that the other parents are bankrolling this lawsuit. 26:22 I love those parents. 26:23 See, I... 26:24 I just want it known to any of my son or daughter's friends, parents, that if there's a point where I discipline my children and they then bankroll a lawsuit for them against me, I'm going to resort to physical violence. I'm coming round. I'm coming round. I'm coming round. I'm going for you. 26:45 Can I say we on absolute radio do not approve physical violence. 26:48 Oh, surely in this instance that's totally approvable. Not even in this instance. No. 26:52 Come on. See if we feel like. 26:54 What, if another parent bankrolls your child having a lawsuit? No, never mind. You've got to be allowed. 26:59 We're still going to approve. Basham. We're still going to approve. No. We really don't. 27:03 I do. I'm saying it. Maybe I'm a shock jock now. 27:05 He does, but he's not voicing. These are personal views and not the views of Absolute Radio. Honestly. Come on. 27:12 And I find his incredibly reasonable tone when he represents Absolute Radio. 27:17 Oh, I'm a company man at heart. 27:20 And can I say for any friends of Alan's son and daughter listening, if you fall out with your parents, the chance of being bankrolled by Alan Cochran are absolutely zero. 27:38 Did you read about the man who sued the casino? Because he said he was drunk. 27:43 I had a lot of sympathy with that. 27:44 No, I did, really. Mark Johnston. He lost half a million dollars in a Las Vegas casino. 27:50 Who hasn't? Well, I haven't. No, that's the texting. 27:54 And he said they served him 20 drinks and he drank 10 beforehand as well. 27:59 He's got a thirst on him. 28:01 When you say that, that was a Sunday night for you back in the day. 28:03 Oh, yesterday when we were young. Come on, everybody. 28:09 But he said... 28:10 So many, many songs. 28:13 He said that it was irresponsible of them to let him play the tables. 28:17 I think if a really drunk man comes in and says, I want some chips. I've heard many a drunk man walk in and say, I want some chips. 28:25 But I'm in a casino. 28:28 I think that that is a bit irresponsible, because he doesn't really know what he's doing. So what about that? 28:33 OK, I'll tell you why I disagree with you. What about when I drunkenly download Thong Song on iTunes, which I did do? So can I go to iTunes and say, give me that 79p back, I didn't want to buy Thong Song, I was drunk. 28:44 I'll give you the money back. What about that? I'm just so relieved. You'll give me the money myself. When you said, I remember that time I got drunk and I'm so relieved it's the downloads on YouTube, I'll give you the 79p. 28:56 And if it's there, I'll give you the money meself. 28:59 Are people going to sue the phone company for when they send drunk texts to ex-boy and girlfriends? It's ridiculous. 29:04 Take some responsibility. And what about when I bought that packet of pickled onion monster munch? I want that at 49p back. 29:10 Yeah, they probably owe me for chabats. Just the invoice, mate. 29:14 Call that Alex Turner. 29:16 He said he'd had ten drinks before and then he had another twenty in the casino. Yeah. And he said, about the ones that he had before, he said, I've got to take responsibility for that. And then, exact quote, but the unfortunate part about it for them is that they have a more bigger responsibility than I do. No. No, they don't. No one's got a bigger responsibility for you than you. Grow up. 29:36 Grow up, mate. But we have to look after society's drunks. 29:39 LAUGHTER 29:40 As he said, if you saw a drunk being, having his wallet picked in the street because he was drunk, you'd step in, wouldn't you? 29:47 Yeah, but I don't think that's quite the same. 29:50 If the robber gave you loads of drinks first and you said, yeah, I'd like to come to your house and leave my wallet there, then that's... This isn't a business model that the casinos are doing, is it? They're not getting people drunk. Otherwise, it'd be happening every week. 30:02 Look, the truth is, every time I pass a casino in the street, I laugh. There you are. There's something about the idea of a casino. Even the word, a casino. 30:15 Oh, I'm going to the casino. 30:20 Because you think of James Bond, and you go past one, there's like fat blokes in leather bomber jackets going in, you know, and you think, oh, they're going to the casino. 30:29 Have you ever walked past an arcade or a casino and looked in and seen someone and thought, I wish they were my friends? 30:34 No. The answer's no. I've looked in and thought, I wish I'd got my backpack flying through. 30:40 No, I don't really feel that. I'm happy with them, you know, I just sit there and make me laugh. People thinking, oh, I'm in a casino. Oh. 30:50 Oh, man. I'm glad they exist. They bring happiness into people's lives. 30:54 Yeah, and it keeps... And sadness. 30:58 If the good Lord spares us and the creeks don't rise, we'll be back again this time next week. 31:04 Now, get out. 31:06 It's cold, Frank's game, it's radio days. I don't mean days as I'm stupid. I mean days as in the sevens of the week. So this is a take, not a blooper.